Chapter One

Thirty-nine and single. Again!

Althea puffed out her cheeks.

‘No coffee?’ Catherine asked.

‘Not today. I’m going to Marie and Bren for one.’

‘Oh yeah, they bought themselves one of those new fancy pants machines.’ Catherine laughed. ‘I’ll have to tell them off for nicking our customers.’

‘I’d like to see you try,’ Althea smiled.

Catherine put the box containing the cakes on the counter. 

‘Send them our love,’ Catherine said, giving up on the silent questioning.

‘Will do,’ Althea replied and picked up the box of goodies. ‘Catch up soon.’

As Althea left the coffeehouse, she steadied herself and thought.

Different years, same shit.

She walked toward the crossing, leant against the cooling metal of the traffic lights pole and closed her eyes.

I’m tired of putting on a front and the effort it takes to appear happy and content.

Althea sensed her depression returning. As it tried to emerge from the depth to where she dispatched it the last time, kicking and screaming.

Please, don’t let it happen again.

She pressed the button.

The trigger that might send her over the edge were mocking her, and her finger hovered above the safety catch.

She needed a sense of normality to find her happy place. A happy place, which would allow her to push away the darkness. A darkness could shroud her in its entirety, if she wasn’t careful. She also knew she would try to hide her innermost destructive thoughts and not divulge her worries unless they were coerced from her word by miserable word.

The beeping started and pulled her from her thoughts. Althea crossed the road and walked towards Bren and Marie’s house.

Althea took care of balancing the box containing pastries and cakes onto the window ledge. She pulled on the thick red curls that framed her freckled face into the scrunchy wrapped around her wrist.

Althea rang the doorbell, picked up the box of goodies, and waited.

She blew out her cheeks and let her face fall into her natural countenance. Centring herself gave her a sense of peace. 

Marie, pregnant, opened the door.

‘Althea! I’m pleased you’ve come round,’ Marie exclaimed in delight.

The woman pulled Althea into a sideways hug and kissed her cheek.

‘Come in. Come in.’

‘Hi Marie.’ Althea handed over the box and smiled.

‘Okay?’

Althea followed Marie down the hallway towards the back of the house. She knew questions would follow about her love life, or lack of it, and she wasn’t looking forward to the scrutiny. Althea wanted to be teased and pulled up on her bullshit. She wanted a safe place to crash when everything else about her life was falling apart. Anything but her recent breakup.

‘Everything is good,’ Althea replied. Her voice quivered as she tried to hide the melancholy that threatened to overwhelm her.

Marie stopped as a look of concern flashed across her eyes.

‘Bloody hell, Marie. I almost barrelled into you.’

Marie reached out and touched Althea’s arm.

‘How are you? And be honest with me as your voice gave you away.’

‘I’m fine. Honest.’ Her sultry voice conflicted with the sadness Marie’s question evoked.

Marie arched her eyebrows.

‘Stop bottling it in. We can all see you’re not okay,’ Marie ordered. ‘It’s detrimental to your health.’

‘Fine. I miss them, Marie.’ Althea smiled, admitting defeat, but the smile didn’t spread to her eyes. Instead, it looked more like a grimace. ‘There. I’ve said it. Satisfied?’

Althea felt tears close to the surface, so she scrunched up her eyes and refused to look at Marie. 

‘We know you miss them. And do you think I would take satisfaction in seeing our friend hurting?’ Marie said, a tenderness for her friend was clear. She continued walking. ‘Have they been in contact?’

Althea didn’t answer for a moment as she clenched her fists.

‘Yazz texted me four days ago, but all my calls have gone straight to voicemail. I want to be there for them. To support them.’

‘Why don’t you go to them next weekend?’

Althea tried to control her emotions. She knew Marie was a good and supportive friend, but she could feel herself closing down under her scrutiny. Marie placed her hand on Althea’s arm. This gentle touch roused her from her growing funk, and she directed a flash of anger towards Yazz.

‘They don’t want me there. They made pretty clear the last time we spoke and in the text messages they sent me.’

‘So what are you going to do?’ Marie asked as she readied the coffee machine.

‘Try to forget about them, I suppose. Look at me. How come I’m single again?’ Althea flounced and sat down around the island with a sigh. She paused and pushed the insecurities away, as she could feel love for her flowing from Marie. ‘And pining after someone who didn’t care for me as much as they said, or I thought they did.’