Chapter one

Jocelyn looked at the woman lying next to her.

She said, “I will say it again. I love you so much. You make me so happy, you know that don’t you, Treen?” A huge grin played across her face, as she continued, “You always do your best to make me whole. I’m not the person I want to be when I’m not with you. So, I will ask you again. Are we alright? Will you consider, sometime in the future, of being my wife?”

Trina looked directly in Jocelyn’s eyes and answered, “And as I said earlier, one step at a time, my love, one step at a time. I’m not saying no and I’m not saying yes. You have got to prove to me that you are worthy, not only of my love, but also of my children. At this moment you have proved nothing.”

“But Treen, I would never do anything to hurt you or your kids.”

Trina sat up and didn’t speak for a moment. In a quiet voice she replied, “You already have.”
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Jocelyn also sat up and opened her mouth to speak, but Trina stopped her.

“I don’t want to hear any more of your apologies at this precise moment. And don’t think you can jump back into our lives as though nothing has happened. I might be ready to try to forgive you. But there are some aspects of what happened that are very hard to understand, very hard to listen to and very hard to believe. But that will be a conversation for another time.”

She got out of bed saying, “I’m going to shower now. Whilst I’m gone phone Lucy and tell her it’s safe to bring the children back soon. And no. I don’t want you to join me.”​

Trina walked out of the bedroom and made her way down the corridor to the family bathroom. Jocelyn’s eyes followed her as she sashayed out of the room.

Jocelyn sighed. She thought she had showed enough to prove that she loved her, and was shocked at how unfeeling Trina’s reaction was just then. It was if a switch had been flicked, and the previous couple of hours hadn’t meant much. She understood that she had a lot of making up to do, a lot of explaining to account for. And yet the first steps had been taken.

​She reached for her phone and texted Lucy. Almost straight away she received one saying that they would be back in three quarters of an hour.
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She smiled at the thought of seeing Peter and Cathy again. She wondered how they would react. Would they accept her back into their lives, or would they distance from her. She hoped she could read Cathy a bedtime story, but she knew that Trina would be the one to decide that outcome.
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Jocelyn pulled her knees up to her chin and wrapped her arms around them. Her head dropped down to rest on them as she closed her eyes in quiet contemplation. She took a deep breath and scrutinised what she could have lost. What she had almost thrown away.

She felt blessed, and hoped this feeling would last. She knew that it would take time for Trina to completely trust her again. If she ever did. She also knew that there would be some difficult conversations to be had.

She was grateful for having been given another chance to prove her worth. She thought back to the events earlier today, when she had knocked on Trina’s door, more in hope than anything else. She had pleaded to be let in, to explain. She had expected the door to be slammed in her face but Trina allowed her to cross the threshold.

She had begged forgiveness. She told Trina she was so sorry and that she loved her. She declared that she thought of her two children, Peter and Cathy, as part of her family. A family that she loved more than anything. Gradually Jocelyn had seen from the body language that most of the hurt, anger and annoyance was seeping away from Trina. Jocelyndidn’t want to think what would have happened if Trina hadn’t accepted her words. She needed to have contact with the only person she felt completely safe with. She knew it could be her last chance of happiness.

Her mind immediately transported her back to the night that could have seen her lose the love of her life forever. She still couldn’t fully comprehend what had happened, so how could she expect Trina to.